A tribute to the past year.... here goes

A - All The Man That I Need : belted out this song countless times

B - Bacolod City: I am back!

C - cellphones : how many have i had???? (and lost)

D -  damaged : yeah, i am talking about my heart .. boo hoo

E - ePerformax : my home sweet home for more than 2 years

F - fridays : night out with friends to Rufo's, Music21, Redbox, Greenbelt

G - Goodbye METRO MANILA!

H - HYJJ : my trusted peeps know this person

I - IP Relay : my beloved ex-account

J - July 15, 2006 : I resigned from work

K - Killing me softly : had a lot of misadventures

L - lies, lies, lies : heard a lot of it this year

M - Michael B. : the man who launched a thousand lies and of course, MULTIPLY

N - Ninerz and company : miss them a lot!

O - overtime : 13 days straight! wooo hooooo... a lot of these and u get a lot for the next letter

P - Payday Friday : kaching kaching kaching

Q - quarrels : oh well, who does not have these?

R - Rainy days (and nights) : spent at the epmax cafe just watching dvd's or singing our hearts out while drinking coffee sniff sniff

S - Steve H. : need I say more?

T - tea drinking sessions : i would never forget those nights when we drank arabian passion tea at Ziggurat and Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf

U - umbrella : i always forget to bring one... too bad i am not waterproof

V - Villa H. : my home sweet home

W - what I did for love : too stupid to mention

X - xray : went through this again(!) for the annual physical exam

Y - YLGG : another memorable person

Z - zoom : "just one look and then my heart went boom"

A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something. As his car passed, no children appeared. Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door! He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown. The angry driver then jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car shouting, "What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing? That's a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?"

The young boy was apologetic. "Please, mister...please, I'm sorry but I didn't know what else to do," He pleaded. "I threw the brick because no one else would stop..." With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car. "It's my brother, "he said. "He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up."

Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, "Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me."

Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything was going to be okay. "Thank you and may God bless you," the grateful child told the stranger. Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy! push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home.

It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door. He kept the dent there to remind him of this message: "Don't go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention!"

God whispers in our souls and speaks to our hearts. Sometimes when we don't have time to listen, He has to throw a brick at us. It's our choice to listen or not.

Lies. Truth. Deceit. Honesty.

It's as if an hourglass is being turned over and over ... time and time again.

How long can one hold on to that thin thread of faith in love? Or believe in miracles when prayers seem more like an aspirin pill that you only take when you are hurt?

Here's to another crack in this heart where words cannot begin to express its depth.

Here's to another teardrop for a broken promise.

But here's to learning to love the fool in me who feels too much, takes too many chances, loves and hates, wins ... but loses often.

Friday, July 14, 2006 6:36 pm (Philippine Time)

I have never been good with goodbyes. I cry easily. So when I came in this morning to spend my last day at work, I braced myself for emotional scenes here and there.

I have not said farewell to everyone yet, and may not be able to ... so I really hope that they get to view this post.

I bid farewell to everyone, especially the people from MCI-Domestic Directory Assistance, IP-Relay Operations and Core Recruitment.

I will miss walking through the entrance of BPI Buendia and riding the elevator with people who are wearing the yellow, blue, violet, green and red lanyards. I will miss greeting the guards and the maintenance people every morning. I will miss saying good morning to the frontdesk girls. I will miss entering 302860 0710 on the biometrics keypad to enter the recruitment area. I will miss walking inside, seeing the recruiters already busy on their computers; looking up for a brief good morning nod. I will miss logging in at the TKS system, checking my office mail and receiving applications from yourcareer and jobstreet. I will miss LMJ, who blurts out tagalog words with an American accent in a conversation at the other cubicle.

I will miss interviewing walk-in applicants especially on a Monday after a Sunday ad is printed (talk about stampede). I will miss doing 100 phone screens a day, with only 1 or 2 people qualifying; sometimes none. I will miss doing CAD and the D.C.O. stats on the shared folder. I will miss screening possible tech support engineers for Mr. P.F. who works a 30-hour shift. I will miss going to the 5th floor to eat the 65 bucks-a-meal Japanese food. I will miss the smoking area that has been a witness to so many chismis and complaints and secrets ever since I joined the company last 2004. I will miss rendering overtime which has often revealed to me things from another dimension (shudder).

I will miss going to the ePcafe spending time with my friends and the baristas. I will miss the MagicSing nights (and days) that got me belting out "All The Man That I Need" and "Sweet Love". I will miss spending the night there, waking up to the faces of tired agents who just went out from their shifts.

I will miss everything. Everyone. And yes I would be lying if I said that it does not sadden me.

But, the good and not-so-good memories are what I would bring with me as I go home to my family. Everything we have done together and everyone I have worked with and met (though all names will not be remembered) will remain in a special place in my heart.

You're right. It is just farewell, but absolutely not goodbye.

My heartfelt and sincere thanks to my dear ePeeps. Keep the passion burning!

Signing off,

em00401 / e02860

7:07pm

a few pics a few minutes ago heheheheheh

At around 10:00 pm (Phil time), July 8, 2006, I was inside a convenience store along Makati avenue, buying melon seeds and a facial wash. As I was paying for those, two hands encircled me from behind, squeezed my breasts and quickly moved down, opening my zip.

Shocked and apalled, I pushed away the small-framed foreign man and cursed at him. He just laughed it off and squeezed my butt. I was shocked beyond belief already and the silence of the people who saw what he did added insult to injury. The guard did not do anything and instead commented "Ma'am, bakit di ninyo sinampal?" (Ma'am, why didn't you slap him?)

I went to my male officemates and told them what happened. They came with me to the convenience store to confront the creep who was now with the two prostitutes he came in with. The confrontation resulted into an exchange of blows. The non-reacting guard decided to finally interfere, asking us three to wait for the creep and his girls outside.

At that moment I decided to ask for police assistance.

-----------------

The men in uniform responded within ten minutes. They took the creep, me and his two ladies to precint 9. They asked me for basic information that I readily provided them with. The creep was placed inside a cell. His first name is Saleh. A Saudi national.

One of the ladies decided to approach me, begging me to forgive them and to not file a case because she is pregnant with his child and that he was going to marry her next month. She also added that he was her only chance to have a better life.

"I would if I could", I kept on telling her throughout the night.

I told the police that I had to get my things (bag, cellphone and ID) so I left the precint for about 20 minutes. When I came back, I saw the creep walking around, smoking and drinking beer inside one of the rooms.

I knew right there and then that I had to ask someone to be with me. I did not feel safe even with the police around anymore. I needed to find a male friend living nearby who could at least protect me if worse comes to worst.

----------------------

My close friend, LJ came at around 2 am. I already told my parents about what happened and was just waiting for their advice. The policemen however were vocal about "fixing" it i.e. letting the guy go after paying me money.

I declined the offer and kept on asking for his passport. He was not cooperating. I told him, the police and his companions that no talks would transpire if I did not have proof of his identity. He and I had a verbal argument. After three hours, he finally gave in. He asked the police to accompany him to Regine's Apartelle near the convenience store, his current residence. I asked the police to let me and LJ go with them.

--------------------

We waited for him at the lobby. We overheard the staff there talking about how "Sadik always gets into trouble". They had his passport photocopied. The male receptionist asked the creep, "Is it okay with you that we will be giving him a copy of you passport?". The creep shrugged. The receptionist added, "Just bear with it for a while".

---------------------

We went back to the precint. Back to their tactics of convincing me to give in. I could not and I did not. I even told the girl that I would only retract it if she gave me a million. She said "Saan ko naman huhugutin yun?" (Where would i get that?). I told her, "Saan ko din huhugutin ang pagpapatawad na hinihingi mo" (And tell me too, where would I get the forgiveness you are asking for)

I firmly said that I am going to file a case against him. The police had no choice but to finally start processing the case by sending us to a nearby hospital for a medical exam. I had to argue with a police officer and a doctor about it. I did not need to have a medical exam because I was not physically injured. Of course, logically speaking, the result would be negative.

Me and LJ were starting to doze off as we waited outside the hospital where the heat of the sun slowly weakened us. We got there at 7 am. We left the hospital after 4 hours to proceed to the central police office's CID (invesitgation department). Through it all, we saw his gf going back and forth from the police van to the hospital and at one time shouting "Wala nga sabi yung pera sa akin eh!" (I already told you the money is not with me!)

----------

When we got to the central police office, the investigator was polite and accommodating. LJ was wondering why the girl was already smirking.

When we got to the counter, the gf said that she is filing a countercharge because she was also "hit" by my officemates. She mentioned "physical injuries" and other terms that we knew she would not spurt out on a normal day. They coached her well. But she did not expect it when the investigator said that the creep would still be detained. She wailed loudly at that and lost her composure again.

The investigator led us into a room to get my formal statement (affidavit). He also noted the 13- hour lapse between the precint's receipt of my complaint and endorsement to them.

I signed my statement and walked out of the building with my friend.

---------

I have nothing against foreign nationals. This is not a hate campaign.

What is your Japanese name? Take each letter of your name and substitute it with the Japanese sound to the right of the letter. Names might be kinda long. (from blue2sky)

A- ka * B- tu * C- mi * D- te * E- ku * F- lu * G- ji
H- ri * I- ki * J- zu * K- me * L- ta * M- rin *
N- to * O-mo * P- no * Q- ke * R- shi * S- ari *
T-chi * U- do * V- ru * W-mei * X- na * Y- fu * Z- zi

The Virgin of Guadalupe

(If anything, this is a really beautiful picture to have)

Here is the story of "La Reina de Mexico" (translated by Dale Hoyt Palfrey)

In 1523, just two years after the Aztec capital of Tenochitlan fell to Hernán Cortés and his Conquistadors, the first Roman Catholic missionaries arrivd to begin the religious conquest of Mexico.

Fray Bernadino de Sahagún and his fellow Franciscan brothers immediately immersed themselves in the intensive study of indigenous tongues along with the history, customs and religious practices of the Mexicas, whom they called Aztecs. Soon fluent in Nahuatl, they proceded to translate religious texts and teach the Christian doctrines.

Among their first converts was a man baptized with the Christian name Juan Diego. On the chilly morning of December 9, 1531, Juan Diego crossed the barren hill called Tepeyac to attend Mass. He was brought to a sudden halt by a blinding light and the sound of unearthly music. Before him appeared an astounding vision--a beautiful dark-skinned woman who, calling the Indian "my son," declared herself to be the Virgin Mary, the mother of Jesus Christ. She told Juan Diego it was her desire to have a church built on Tepeyac hill, and asked him to relay that message to Bishop Juan de Zumarraga.

It was no easy task for the humble Indian to be granted an audience with the top prelate, but the persistent Juan Diego was finally admitted. The incredulous Bishop demanded that he be provided with some proof of the unlikely encounter. Confused and fearful, Juan Diego avoided Tepeyac for several days, but on December 12, while rushing to find a priest to attend a seriously ill uncle, he took a short cut across the hill. The Virgin once again appeared and Juan Diego told her of the Bishop's request. The Virgin instructed him to pick roses from the usually sere and desolate hill and deliver them to Zumarraga as the sign.

Juan Diego gathered up the miraculous blossoms in his mantle and hurried off to complete his mission. Once again before the Bishop, he let the roses spill out before him. To the wonder of all assembled, a perfect image of La Virgen Morena (the Dark Virgin) was revealed emblazoned on Juan Diego's cloak.

By order of the Bishop, a small church was soon constructed on the site designated by the Virgin. Skeptics are quick to point out the unlikely coincidence of the Virgin's appearance on Tepeyac, the very site of an Aztec temple dedicated to Tonatzin (earth godess, mother of the gods and protectress of humanity) which had been devastated by order of Bishop Zumarraga.

The original church was replaced by a larger structure built in 1709. The Miracle of Guadalupe was officially recognized by the Vatican in 1745. The second sanctuary was declared a Basilica in 1904, but by then it had begun to slowly sink into the soft, sandy soil beneath it. A new Basilica, of modern design and enormous capacity, was dedicated in October of 1976.

In this and other churches dedicated to La Virgen de Guadalupe throughout the nation, millions of the faithful will gather December 12 for processions, prayers, songs, dances, and fireworks to honor "La Reina de México" (the Queen of Mexico).

Juan Diego's mantle, carefully preserved in the new Basilica, has been subjected to extensive analysis over the years. Experts have authenticated the fabric as dating to the 16th century, but have been unable to determine the type of pigment from which the image was rendered. It seems doubtful that in the Colonial era in Mexico human hands were capable of creating a portrait of its exquisite nature. Most wonderous of all, after 465 years, the image of the Virgen de Guadalupe remains clearly imprinted on the miraculous cloak without visible signs of deterioration.

ONE.

Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

404 - Someone who is clueless. From the Web error message, “404 Not Found,” which means the document requested couldn’t be located. “Don’t bother asking John. He’s 404.”

Adminisphere - The rarified organizational layers above the rank and file that makes decisions that are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant.

Assmosis - The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

Batmobiling - putting up emotional shields. Refers to the retracting armor that covers the Batmobile as in “she started talking marriage and he started batmobiling”

Beepilepsy - The brief siezure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go off, especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid-sentence.

Blamestorming - A group discussion of why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

CLM (Career Limiting Move)- Used by microserfs to describe an ill-advised activity. “Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.”

Cobweb - A WWW site that never changes.

Cube Farm - An office filled with cubicles.

Dead Tree Edition - The paper version of a publication available in both paper and electronic forms.

GOOD job - A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.

Ohnosecond - That minuscule fraction of time during which you realize you’ve just made a terrible error.

Open-Collar Workers - People who work at home or telecommute.

Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

Perot - To quit unexpectedly. “My cellular phone just perot’ed.”

Plug-and-Play - A new hire who doesn’t require training. “That new guy is totally plug-and-play.”

Prairie Dogging - When something loud happens in a cube farm, causing heads to pop up over the walls trying to see what’s going on.

Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits over everything and then leaves.

SITCOMs - What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. “Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage”

Umfriend - One with whom one has a sexual relationship; as in, “this is Dale, my...um...friend.”

WOOFYS - Well Off Older Folks.

World Wide Wait - The real meaning of WWW.

Xerox Subsidy - Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one’s workplace.

Yuppie Food Coupons - Twenty dollar bills from an ATM.

Did ya know that...


Drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately -- without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional "pain relievers."

Colgate toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns.


Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with mysterious chemicals, try chewing on a couple of curiously strong Altoids peppermints. They'll clear up your stuffed nose.

Achy muscles from a bout of the flu?
Mix 1 Tablespoon of horseradish in 1 cup of olive oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 minutes, then apply it as a massage oil, for instant relief for aching muscles.

Sore throat?
Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 tablespoon six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria.

Cure urinary tract infections with Alka-Seltzer. Just dissolve two tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms. Alka-Seltzer begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost instantly -- even though the product was never been advertised for this use. (Note : Alka-Seltzer Plus Cold Medicine is not the same..and contains aspirin, which can cause stomach bleeding if you have ulcers.)

Honey remedy for skin blemishes ...
Cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a Band-Aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight.

Listerine therapy for toenail fungus ...
Get rid of unsightly toenail fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine mouthwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again.

Easy eyeglass protection...
To prevent the screws in eyeglasses from loosening, apply a small drop of Maybelline Crystal Clear nail polish to the threads of the screws before tightening them.

Coca-Cola cure for rust ...
Forget those expensive rust removers. Just saturate an abrasive sponge with Coca Cola and scrub the rust stain. The phosphoric acid in the coke is what gets the job done.

Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer...
If menacing bees, wasps, hornets, or yellow jackets get in your home and you can't find the insecticide, try a spray of Formula 409 . Insects drop to the ground instantly.

Smart splinter remover...just pour a drop of Elmer's Glue-All over the splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue.

Hunt's tomato paste boil cure ....cover the boil with Hunt's tomato paste as a compress. The acids from the tomatoes soothe the pain and bring the boil to a head.

Balm for broken blisters ...To disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few drops of Listerine .. a powerful antiseptic.

Heinz vinegar to heal bruises ... Soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour. The vinegar reduces the blueness and speeds up the healing process.

Kills fleas instantly .
Dawn dish washing liquid does the trick. Add a few drops to your dog's bath and shampoo the animal thoroughly. Rinse well to avoid skin irritations. Goodbye fleas.
Rainy day cure for dog odor ... Next time your dog comes in from the rain, simply wipe down the animal with Bounce or any dryer sheet, instantly making your dog smell springtime fresh.

Eliminate ear mites... All it takes is a few drops of Wesson corn oil in your cat's ear. Massage it in, then clean with a cotton ball. Repeat daily for 3 days. The oil soothes the cat's skin, smothers the mites, and accelerates healing.

Quaker Oats for fast pain relief ....It's not for breakfast anymore! Mix 2 cups of QuakerOats and 1 cup of water in a bowl and warm in the microwave for 1 minute, cool slightly, and apply the mixture to your hands for soothing relief from arthritis pain.

-----

taken from aimee's site :-) thanks for sharing!

This has been a relational psychology test. The answers given to the questions have shown relevance  in relation to the values and ideals that we hold in our personal lives.

Read the following questions, imagine the scenes in your mind, and write down the FIRST thing that you visualize. Do not think about the questions excessively.

You sit on the stairs leading to your parents' room, thinking, this is what I've been missing the past few months, underneath the tonload of schoolwork and miscellaneous stuff you’ve had to do. You think, you don’t really miss it, you just sort of think a little clearer after you hear this song, you feel a little more grateful, more in wonder of how everything in life seems to have a purpose, everything happens for a reason. You’re a little saner, and everything falls into place.

You think, there’s more to life when I hear this song, even though it reminds me of a time when I was sad, when I used to put this song on repeat all day long because you so lost, you felt you had to be defined by twenty-four lines on printed paper, your life story told by someone else’s voice.

You’re not sad anymore, but the song makes you sad, filling you with the first pangs of pain of the first heartbreak you ever went through, and you’re amazed that you’re happy now, the sadness an ocean away, this song merely serving as a salty breeze, a subtle reminder.

It’s a little funny now, now that there isn’t any hurt left, that this song gripped you in its claws, with its uneven chord riffs, its unsure vocals, its realistically lunatic lyrics. What are you, my kin? You touch me like you are my kin. What are you, my heir? You affect me like you are my heir.

There were days when you didn’t think anything would clear up. There were days when the desperation was so great, the need so urgent: beyond all the lust in the world there is only the ashes of love. You practically bypassed all mind games and went straight for the jugular, and rationalized it by calling it vulnerability; honesty: I want you back, I cannot live without you.

You never thought the sadness would leave, but it did. You’d just about sold your soul to the demons of sloth, just to be able to lie around in your dark room all day, listening to music, listening to this song and a hundred other songs like this, depending on the mood of the hour. Songs that contained everything you wanted to say, if you weren’t so scared of sounding so unoriginal, so high schoolish. Everything we ever wanted to say, other people have sung before, but the feelings are all our own.

And then the fog lifts, and everything is a pop beat in your head, a skip-hop combination of holding hands an bird-like kisses. Everything is great, a highway ride with the top down and a guitar in his hands, strummed by his long, lean fingers.

But one night like tonight, stuck in the house with the boyfriend away on a family reunion, you put a CD on that you haven’t played in more than a year, and the song comes on, and you’re fundamentally happy, there’s nothing in the world you’d change, you’d even go through that whole shit again if it meant that’s how you’d meet and hook up with the boyfriend, but this song comes on, and you permit yourself this aberration, this excusable lamentation. You permit this weather change for just an hour, while you relive the sadness, like watching “My Girl” when you were ten and then bawling your eyes out. When you watch it now, your eyes still sort of get watery, but you’re past it, you’re older now.

Now you listen to this song, and you remember the desperation, but you don’t feel it anymore, it’s like a movie you’re watching, where the girl you once were, the one who cried every night because some unworthy (in hindsight) guy dumped her, she’s the star, she’s the main attraction. And you let her take the stage this once, again, after along time.

And then you’re grateful that she doesn’t act anymore.

The song ends, and you stop the CD now. Nothing can change this happiness now. Not even this song that used to make you cry.



###############
Caravaggio wrote this after listening to Alanis Morisette’s “Flinch”. And after reading Andre Dubus III’s “House of Sand and Fog”, which is one of the most depressing books she’s ever read.(peyups.com)

Why must we wear the ring on the fourth finger?

Please follow the steps and you will know.

First, do as the photo shows.

Try to separate your thumbs. Thumbs represent parents: they will leave you someday, hence the thumbs can separated.

Close your thumbs and try to separate your index fingers. Index fingers represent sibling : they will leave you someday when they have their own family, hence index fingers can separated.

Close your index fingers and try to separate your little fingers. Little fingers represent children : they will leave you someday when they have grown up, hence little fingers can separated.

Now close your little fingers and try to separate your fourth fingers. You will realize that you cannot separate them, because they represent the marriage of husband and wife.

1. I'm God. Don't play me.
(I am the Lord thy God, thou shalt not have any other gods before me.)

2. Don't be makin no hood ornaments and charms outta me, or like me.
(Thou shalt not have any graven images)

3. Don't be callin' me for no reason.
(Thou shalt not use the name of the Lord thy God in vain)

4. Y'all betta be in church on Sunday, and not just the Sundays when it's Mother's day, Easter and Christmas
(Remember to keep the Sabbath day holy)

5. Don't dis or cuss out yo momma... and if you know who ya daddy is, don't dis him neither.
(Honor thy father and thy mother)

6. Don't be goin' on no drive bys.
(Thou shalt not kill)

7. Stick to ya own Boo.
(Thou shalt not commit adultery)

8. Don't be borrow'n stuff and don't give it back.
(Thou shalt not steal)

9. Don't be snitchin' on the otha' man to save your behind.
(Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy brother)

10. Don't be eyein' (skeeming) yo homie's crib, ride, woman, or nuffin.
(Thou shalt not covet anything that belongs to thy brother

I have in my hands two boxes,
Which God gave me to hold.
He said, "Put all your sorrows in the black box,
And all your joys in the gold."

I heeded His words, and in the two boxes,
Both my joys and sorrows I stored,
But though the gold became heavier each day,
The black was as light as before.

With curiosity, I opened the black,
I wanted to find out why,
And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole,
Which my sorrows had fallen out by.

I showed the hole to God, and mused,
"I wonder where my sorrows could be!"
He smiled a gentle smile and said,
"My child, they're all here with me.."

I asked God, why He gave me the boxes,
Why the gold and the black with the hole?
"My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings,
The black is for you to let go."

The Testimony of Dr. Mary Anne Layden
Co-Director, Sexual Trauma and Psychopathology Program,Center for Cognitive Therapy University of Pennsylvania
 
Thank you, Senators, for allowing me to speak to you today.

Pornography, by its very nature, is an equal opportunity toxin. It damages the viewer, the performer, and the spouses and the children of the viewers and the performers. It is toxic mis-education about sex and relationships. It is more toxic the more you consume, the “harder” the variety you consume and the younger and more vulnerable the consumer.

The damage is both in the area of beliefs and behaviors. The belief damage may include Pornography Distortion, Permission-Giving Beliefs and the attitudes about what constitutes a healthy sexual and emotional relationship. The behavioral damage includes psychologically unhealthy behaviors, socially inappropriate behaviors and illegal behaviors.

Let me give some examples. Pornography Distortion is a set of beliefs based in pornographic imagery, sent to the viewer while they are aroused and reinforced by the orgasm. An example of Pornography Distortion would include beliefs such as “Sex is not about intimacy, procreation or marriage. Sex is about predatory self-gratification, casual recreation, body parts, violence, feces, strangers, children, animals and using women as entertainment.” All of these are messages regularly sent by pornography.

Permission-Giving Beliefs are a set of beliefs that imply that my behavior is normal, acceptable, common and/or doesn’t hurt anyone so I have permission to continue to behave in the way that I am. In all types of violence and addiction, Permission-Giving Beliefs are involved. Examples would include “All men go to prostitutes” “Women like sex mixed with violence” and “Children enjoy sex with adults”. These particular Permission-Giving Beliefs are also common in pornography.

Both Pornography Distortion and Permission-Giving Beliefs increase the problem of mis-education about sexuality and relationships. For example, the myth that women are sexually aroused by engaging in behaviors that are actually sexually pleasuring to men is a particularly narcissistic invention of the pornography industry. This is sexual mis-education.

The consequences of all these distorted beliefs are varied. For the viewer, pornography increases the likelihood of sexual addiction and they respond in ways similar to other addicts. Sexual addicts develop tolerance and will need more and harder kinds of pornographic material. They have escalating compulsive sexual behavior becoming more out of control and also experience withdrawal symptoms if they stop the use of the sexual material. The executive who goes to his office and logs on to the Internet porn sites at 9:00 AM and logs off at 5:00 PM is out of control and risks a great deal. Research indicates that 70% of the hits on Internet sex sites occur between 9-5 on business computers. Research also indicates and my clinical experience supports that 40% of sex addicts will lose their spouse, 58% will suffer sever finanacial losses, and 27-40% will lose their job or profession. Those whose marraiges don’t end, may find themselves increasing dissatisfied with their spouses appearance and sexual behavior and increasingly sexually acting out which leads to an increase in sexually transmitted diseases. Research indicates that even non-sex addicts will show brain reactions on PET scans while viewing pornography similar to cocaine addicts looking at images of people taking cacaine. This material is potent, addictive and permanently implanted in the brain.

Those who use pornography have also been shown to be more likely to engage in illegal behavior as well. Research indicates and my clinical experience supports that those who use pronography are more likely to go to prostitutes, engage in domestic violence, stranger rape, date rape, and incest. These beahviors should not be suprising since pornographic videos contaning all of these themes are readily available and the permssion-giving beliefs of these pornographic videos reinforced by the orgasm say that all these behaviors are normal, acceptable, common and don’t hurt anyone.

I have also seen in my clinical experience that pornography damages the sexual performance of the viewers. Pornography viewers tend to have problems with premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction. Having spent so much time in unnatural sexual experiences with paper, celluloid and cyberspace, they seem to find it difficult to have sex with a real human being. Pornography is raising their expectation and demand for types and amounts of sexual experiences at the same time it is reducing their ability to experience sex.

The viewers are not the only ones to be affect by pornography. The performers are damaged as well although the performers were often damaged before they entered the industry. No healthy six-year-old growing up in a healthy home environment says, “I hope I grow up to be a porn star, stripper or prostitute”. Those who now work in the porn industry were often little girls who got into their beds each night, rolled themselves into a fetal position and each night he came in a pealed her open. They work in the porn industry with its physical invasion and visual invasion because it feels like home. Once they are in the industry they have high rates of substance abuse, typically alcohol and cocaine, depression, borderline personality disorder which is a particularly serious disorder and dissociative identity disorder which used to be called multiple personality disorder. The experience I find most common among the performers is that they have to be drunk, high or dissociated in order to go to work. Their work environment is particularly toxic. One study on strippers indicated that they were likely to be punched, slapped, grabbed, called cunt and whore and to be followed home or stalked. Not surprisingly, these women often work with bodyguards. This live form of pornography causes violence and the customers receiving these Permission-Giving Beliefs become carriers of these beliefs back to their homes, onto their jobs, into the street, onto the school yard. There they encounter women and children who do not have bodyguards.

The terrible work life of the pornography performer is often followed by an equally terrible home life. They have an increased risk of sexually transmitted disease including HIV, domestic violence and have about a 25 % chance of making a marriage that lasts as long as 3 years.

The viewers and the performers of pornography are the most direct victims. However, the children and the partners are also damaged by this industry. My clinical experience indicates that the spouses of porn viewers are often depressed, and are more likely to have eating disorders, body image disorders and low self-esteem. These wives can’t function in the fake sexual world in which their husbands live. The wives may try to please their spouse by engaging in sexual behaviors that they find degrading. The wife may think that they can increase the sexual energy in the relationship and satisfy her husband if she views the pornography with him. My clinical experience is that these wives often get a short-lived boost in sexual activity but soon she notices that when her husband is having sex with her, he is turning around to watch the porn on the TV screen. She then realizes that he isn’t having sex with her at all. He’s masturbating inside her body while he is having sex with the women on the screen.

Some wives will resort to plastic surgery especially breast implants. Research indicates that women who get breast implants are four times as likely to commit suicide as other women are.

The children also show the damage. As pornography becomes normalized, it is left around the house. Children can get exposed to it. These are tender minds that are just developing their conceptualizations of sex. Normalizing abnormal sex increase the likelihood that they will engage in these behaviors. This increases the likelihood of early sexual experience and with it, the increasing risk of pregnancy, and sexually transmitted diseases. These children often think that all relationships are sexual. That sex is the core of their personalities and is the way in which you raise your self-esteem. This may be one reason that we see sexual addiction running in families. The distorted beliefs are not only reinforced but modeled as well. In one report in Australia, children who had become sexual predators before the age of 12, all had experienced pornographic material on the Internet and large number believed that the only use of the Internet was for pornographic material.

Children who have porn-viewing fathers complain that when he looks at them it feels “creepy”. The parental gaze has now become the “porn gaze”. The child of the porn user finds that every thing is now about sex.

There are no studies and no data that indicate a benefit from pornography use. If there were a benefit, then pornography users, pornography performers, their spouses and their children would show the most benefit. Just the opposite is true. The society is awash in pornography and so in fact the data is in. If pornography made us healthy, we would be healthy by now.